(Still) Not Here . . .
I’ve physically got back to Freiburg almost 2 months ago.
I’ve not been here all the time. I went to Paris, twice back to my hometown, one to Mannheim and once to Milan.
Nevertheless I m still somewhere else.
I m fine as long as I m busy. I m working quite a lot for the University since I m back. I do really enjoy my studies since I m back. I m way more interested in the texts I read. I try some new stuff. Meet some new people but there is exactly my problem.
I don t feel comfortable, interested stimulated by the people I meet. I m talking, listening but I don t understand. Maybe I don t want to understand.
My motivation to go out is almost not existent. My social curiousness disappeared. People do look so boring to me.
I m starting to judge people - or better I judge what they are doing. I can t stand the talks about nonsense in the train. I can t stand the ignorance of young people in the street. I can t stand so many things.
I actually don t think that in Latin America it was different. There were many things which are similar I think. People talk about nonsense everywhere in the world. Maybe I could overlook these facts easier in Latin America because I always knew I m going to return to Europe soon. If you are far away the positive memories of your “homeland” are stronger then the bad aspects.
There are some exceptions. Some very special persons I know here are excluded from this problem. These people are almost all closely related to me or share some very special experiences.
I guess I m right now again in the phase I predicted in June 2008.
I m getting back - but I m still not sure if I want to. . . If I can